The Bad and The Worse

Wow! So I am now officially on summer break from college. My last day was April 30th....well, night actually. I had my Astronomy final that night and got out about 6:30pm...2 and a half hours ahead of schedule. Passed that class with an A. I actually managed all A's again this semester. I am so proud of myself juggling mom and wife duties and a college education all at once. It is not easy but I managed to crawl my way through it. With the normal stresses of everday life and those cast upon us by asshats, I managed to deal quite nicely. Bring it on bitches! I am ready for ya!

We still have not heard anymore on the house/lawsuit deal. We had to slack off paying the lawyer some since we were neglecting other things. We had him caught up on the bill he sent us anyway so until we get another, I feel no justification to keep handing him money we need at the present time. He knows we aren't going to leave him high and dry. I am kinda worried at the fact of not hearing anything. I thought our next step was court but I am hoping if that is so then it comes while I am out of class.

Another thing I am stressing on is Megan's upcoming surgery. She is having her tonsils removed June 3rd and Kevin and I are nervous about it. I heard that it was possible that we would not be allowed in the recovery room. I hope that is not mentioned at her pre-surgery appointment on the 27th. If it is, I hope the dr is prepared for my answer: GO F*** YOURSELF DOC!! You wanna stop me from being in there.....try me! My nephew, who is 4 yrs old, is having the same thing done. I really feel for him and my sis. If she can't be back there when he wakes up, all he** may break loose. He does not do good with strangers as far as I can remember and that worries me. I really think it is stupid that doctors and nurses don't give any consideration into the child's well-being. What if he wakes up and there is no familiar face to soothe him from his pain? He will probably cry and risk opening up the sutures. *shudders* Let's not think about that right now. Maybe everything will go ok. I know I will be here praying that whole day til I hear otherwise.

Ya know, I love my family. I love having family time. But sometimes do you feel as if someone in your family is a little too intrusive? Let me explain. Kevin left for work this morning and accidentally left in a hurry and did not get his cell. I really think it was for the best anyways. I took Megan to catch the bus, came back home, and lay back down on the bed. Starting at 8:30am, his phone began ringing....every 10-15 minutes. It had started to annoy me so I cut the ring off. I looked at the phone calls just to see who it may be. Lo and behold it was his brother...his almost 24yr old out of college for the summer, don't have a job so dad gives me money brother. I was curious as to why he was calling him so much and that early in the day. At the precise moment, I was sleepy so I went back to bed. Later today, he tried calling again. This time I pretended to be Kevin and texted him asking what he needed. Of course he asks where I (Kevin) am. Duh! WORK!! So then he replies asking how much I (Kevin) would charge him to stay in our shop til he finds somewhere else to go. Apparently, his dad's girlfriend is raising all sorts of h*** about him being there, no privacy (GET OVER IT!) and crap like that. I told him I would have to think on that. He asks me to think fast. Ha! If it was actually Kevin, I feel he probably would have done told him yeah without even discussing it with me. That is not something he should do. This is my house as well. Now I don't mind helping family but there is no way we can afford to feed him, shelter him, and all that without money. I seriously doubt their dad would give us one red cent for a roof over his head. And I am not too sure on him and work either. He loves to sleep so early rising is really not in his book. To be honest, I am not willing to deal with a freeloader. Plain and simple. It was different when we were getting government help, when our cash money was not having to go on food and we could use it to pay bills. That was different. I mean, gee, really, they have a mom who has a spare bedroom. Why is he not asking her? Why his brother with a wife and 2 kids to feed? I don't get it. I just hope Kevin can see it from my point of view. I don't want someone here that is just sitting around looking for a handout. I just don't feel comfortable with it. Period. And right now, I just don't want to deal with it.

OK I have rant and raved enough. Stepping off the soapbox now and going to get something to drink. My throat is parched!

Later, peeps!

What next?

Life, in general, still sucks. My kids and husband are really the only things at this moment that are keeping me going. Well, school too....I actually want to keep going and finish and plan on it if I have to move there, which is starting to sound like a good idea.

Our expenses with our lawyer are accruing everyday and the retainer fee we paid him is long gone. If we have to go to court, that means more money....at least a thousand bucks! Our stupid relatives, from whom we were purchasing the house, want us to pay them over eight thousand dollars, that is $100/wk, for the time we have been in the house, deed them the house, and move immediately. Uhm, if I am not mistaken, IF we deed the house back to them, does that not mean that we pretend that this arrangement never happened. I mean, we borrowed $40,000 at a loan company, paid the house off, gave them the remaining $15,000 and signed a note that we still owed them a balance of $25,000....even though the house only approved for $60,000!! So, if we sign the house back to them, and they assume our note at the finance company, why would we need to give them anymore money? I really wish they would allow a new note to be typed up so we could continue paying them and keep our house. I hate moving, and when all your resources are getting ate up due to rising lawyer fees, it doesn't make it any easier to keep paying the bills here and try to save to rent something else.

I just don't know what to do. We can't really afford to pay a lawyer to go to court, I can't afford to miss school, and Kevin can't really afford to miss work either. It's as if we are in a damn if we do, damn if we don't situation. I really want out of it but I am not giving them that amount of money. I would be glad to sign the house back to them if they payoff or take over the note in their name....but there is no way in hell I am going to let them just have the house and assume the note in my husband's name. What if something happened to them? Then, we would still be responsible for that loan.

I meet with our lawyer tomorrow afternoon to go over a proposed settlement. I know we are willing to go 2 ways: a) let us assume the payments with the relatives once again in good understanding or b) sign the house back and move....no money, no questions asked. All in all, I really don't care how it goes....I just want it to go away! It is really messing with my emotions and I told Kevin yesterday that I really felt as though I needed to see a doctor to get something to help with my nerves. It is getting to where I think about it during class and it is distracting. I get anxious about it and wind up taking it out on him or the kids sometimes by snapping too quickly. Most of the time, I just take a deep breath and walk away. I have broken down and cried on several occasions......once or twice at school. I do it when I know I can get out of my teacher/advisor seeing me because she sure would be asking about it if she saw what shape I was in. So, I tend to put on a mask for that part of my life. Sometimes, it is hard here at home. Kevin doesn't seem to understand why I let it get to me like I do. I don't know why he is like that but I mean, I worry since we have 2 children to think about. If it was just us, then it would probably be no biggie. I mean, we have nowhere to go. My granddad would gladly open his home to us but it is a small 2 bedroom trailer. Now, we have stayed with him before, but we didn't have Chris. It was just us and Megan and Kevin was also over the road trucking too, so he wasn't there much.

I am just disgusted with it all right now. I have so much work to do for school next week and I need to get it done, but it just seems as if everything tends to burst open at the time I have something to do or concentrate on. I really just want to go to bed and sleep it all away.

Hope you all are having a better-than-expected Monday!